speechless

I am exhausted, nothing new. I am a broken record, I know. But, I hope to look back on this and see a definite differnce. In the beginning, the changes were daily. Every day when I woke it was something new, such as walking unassisted, or talking, or taking a shower unassisted. Now, when I wake every day, it seems like the same old shite. However, if I look back a few months, I see a big change. It's slow, but it's happ'nin.

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Ooh, the thunder sounds so good. I hope it pours. It will go well with my tiredness. I need to do lots, but a lot of the stuff I need to do, I can do inside. I can finish this water, then open the front winders and talk to my best friend as I do dishes and pack, etc.

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Ok, not what I was intending to write about. I went to my aunt's funeral today. I have been intending to go visit them for the past year since I have been nearby. She was not that old or even sickly. However, I waited too long. She went to the hospital for pneumonia and was even scheduled to go home today, after a few days. She was apparently doing fine and then they said that is wasn't pneumonia, it was lung cancer and, bamm, she died.

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It is extra painful for my mom, I imagine. Her sister died on her birthday. My mom was also recently diagnosed with cancer, differnt kind, and has since gone through the treatment that was supposed to have eliminated it. They will confirm in a couple weeks.

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I haven't been to a funeral that really affected me since a friend shot himself in high school. I really regret not going to see them until now.

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It was an interesting opportunity, though. I saw family that I hadn't seen in 14 years. I also met family I had never seen. It was family that I actually missed. Actually, I think that's all of my family, especially since my 'slowing down'.

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It was a stark reminder of how we have to take advantage of opportunities. If we let ourselves get wrapped up in and distracted by the 'crap' in life, the train of life will steam right on through and we may miss something. Just like these teenage years my punk darlings are about to go through, once they're gone, they're gone. Just like the guys I saw in the hospital who couldn't do 'anything', regret is permanent sometimes.

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Listening to: Rebel Rouser, by Duane Eddy