Holy Cow

I live with it everyday but I am still amazed at how easy I get tired. I just woke up late from my depressing night of being sad and drinking, and I decided to do some more move prep.

Trying not to think about how I shoulda known better, I went into my closet and put some cold-weather items such as wool sweaters in a box. Then I put cool weather items, that I don't expect to need anytime soon but just in case, in a suitcase. I also put my everyday wear items, such as shorts, etc. in another suitcase. I also moved some furniture that someone is planning to pick up tomorrow and put some expensive gay store clothes in the cool weather suitcase.

A lot of this crap, I'm not sure why I even keep it. I guess, for the just in case, and also because I am changing in increments. Ties and nice gay store sweaters that I used to be able to afford could be useful, I guess. It is nice to be able to put on the disguise, if needed. It's a big process to go from the clean, pressed, cocky prick to the no-gel, shorts-wearing, beachbum I am now.

I never wanted to be a beachbum, to be honest. I know this is a dream for most people, but I have always been, and still am even though I'm limited now, a hyper freak. There is too much to do. I still feel the same way, but, thankfully, I have no choice now but to slow down and appreciate what's truly important. I really am glad that God smacked me in the face with reality and did so while allowing me to keep the important things.

I look forward to being the ex-wife-creature's friend, being a dad with the free time to be super-involved, and helping people with the skills and abilities I have been allowed to keep. I am so close now. I am just ready to get down there and start this new life. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern.

Listening to: Rat Salad, by Black Sabbath