I need to format these entries better, but I can do that later.
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27th-Apr-2007 04:14 pm - I think too much
I'm waiting for the daughter to get home from school then I am going to have a serious talk about life stuff with her and her brother before we go over to a friends house. As I was waiting, I was thinking. I'm always frickin thinking.
Lately I go round and round. There is so much to do and so many ways to do them. I would much rather stay in Athens beacuse I love it here. However, I thought I should be unselfish for the first time in my life and move down to where the kids will be when their wonderful mother takes them to the Tampa area.
Originally, I think I was half unselfish. I was willing to leave here but I still planned to move where I want to. The more I have thought about it, I have decided to live closer to them. I will be leaving what's important to me so for the next handful of years it is about them. I didn't have a dad around at all.
They will have divorced parents but I hope to still give them the benefit of two awesome parents.The girl I just quit seeing is someone that made me happier than I've ever been. Ouch, my heart hurts.
Anyway, at first I thought I would live in the same town but I don't really want to live there. Also, I don't want to be so far from Port Richey. I figure I'll split the difference and live in between so I can be around to get the kids if she is working or anything like that and I can still get to Port Richey in a reasonable amount of time.
I really want to see the beach and be in an area where maybe I can have my sailboat. I want to live on one and sail the Gulf, go to the gulf states, go to Mexico, Belize, Nicaragua, etc. I have postponed that however, to not only become familiar with area first but also to, primarily, be around for the kids' teenage years.Well, the daughter is about to be home so I guess it's time for me to get off this compooter.
Mood:sad
Music:Ministry, Just one fix.
26th-Apr-2007 08:30 am - Feeling Puddle of Mudd this morning
I have got to be the best person to have break up with you. I end up feeling bad about it like I was dumped.
The last time my wife did the practice leaving thing was the first time I agreed. I was in Officer Candidate School down in Florida. I ended up hooking up with someone in my class. Damn, she was fine. However, I was just trying to distract myself from reality.
We both stayed in the area for a couple months after for pilot school for her and aviation maintenance manager school for me. Before I left, I ended it. I felt bad then, too.
This time, it's for real. I, against my good judgement, started seeing a friends sister. I knew she was young and on her way up. She is 25, going to college, and the whole world is possibilties for her. She is on her way to where I was 75k a year. Now, I am done with that, I am no longer interested in that life of crap I didn't need. However, she hasn't experienced it yet. I, again felt bad, and still do, because I ended it.
I am going to Florida to be unselfish, probably for the first time in my life, and be close to my kids as they are about to go through their teenage years. Like Sky said in Superstar,'I'm this way and she's that way'.
I loved the ex-wife-creature but it was the same as it is now. I love her like a sister. I would die for her. However, there wasn't that in-love connection so I couldn't make her feel cherished like she should be.
It sure wasn't from lack of trying. We both tried tons, that's why we were together as long as we were, almost 13 years. We just got married too damm young. We didn't even know who we were ourselves, much less what someone else should be. If it weren't for these two awesome kids, I would think it was a mistake.
The realization we finally came to was that we are both awesome people. However, we are not when we try to be together. We bring out the worst in each other. At times, the Plain White Tee's said it right, "Hate is a strong word, but I really, really, really don't like you.Ok, enough for now.
Mood:contemplative
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27th-Apr-2007 04:14 pm - I think too much
I'm waiting for the daughter to get home from school then I am going to have a serious talk about life stuff with her and her brother before we go over to a friends house. As I was waiting, I was thinking. I'm always frickin thinking.
Lately I go round and round. There is so much to do and so many ways to do them. I would much rather stay in Athens beacuse I love it here. However, I thought I should be unselfish for the first time in my life and move down to where the kids will be when their wonderful mother takes them to the Tampa area.
Originally, I think I was half unselfish. I was willing to leave here but I still planned to move where I want to. The more I have thought about it, I have decided to live closer to them. I will be leaving what's important to me so for the next handful of years it is about them. I didn't have a dad around at all.
They will have divorced parents but I hope to still give them the benefit of two awesome parents.The girl I just quit seeing is someone that made me happier than I've ever been. Ouch, my heart hurts.
Anyway, at first I thought I would live in the same town but I don't really want to live there. Also, I don't want to be so far from Port Richey. I figure I'll split the difference and live in between so I can be around to get the kids if she is working or anything like that and I can still get to Port Richey in a reasonable amount of time.
I really want to see the beach and be in an area where maybe I can have my sailboat. I want to live on one and sail the Gulf, go to the gulf states, go to Mexico, Belize, Nicaragua, etc. I have postponed that however, to not only become familiar with area first but also to, primarily, be around for the kids' teenage years.Well, the daughter is about to be home so I guess it's time for me to get off this compooter.
Mood:sad
Music:Ministry, Just one fix.
26th-Apr-2007 08:30 am - Feeling Puddle of Mudd this morning
I have got to be the best person to have break up with you. I end up feeling bad about it like I was dumped.
The last time my wife did the practice leaving thing was the first time I agreed. I was in Officer Candidate School down in Florida. I ended up hooking up with someone in my class. Damn, she was fine. However, I was just trying to distract myself from reality.
We both stayed in the area for a couple months after for pilot school for her and aviation maintenance manager school for me. Before I left, I ended it. I felt bad then, too.
This time, it's for real. I, against my good judgement, started seeing a friends sister. I knew she was young and on her way up. She is 25, going to college, and the whole world is possibilties for her. She is on her way to where I was 75k a year. Now, I am done with that, I am no longer interested in that life of crap I didn't need. However, she hasn't experienced it yet. I, again felt bad, and still do, because I ended it.
I am going to Florida to be unselfish, probably for the first time in my life, and be close to my kids as they are about to go through their teenage years. Like Sky said in Superstar,'I'm this way and she's that way'.
I loved the ex-wife-creature but it was the same as it is now. I love her like a sister. I would die for her. However, there wasn't that in-love connection so I couldn't make her feel cherished like she should be.
It sure wasn't from lack of trying. We both tried tons, that's why we were together as long as we were, almost 13 years. We just got married too damm young. We didn't even know who we were ourselves, much less what someone else should be. If it weren't for these two awesome kids, I would think it was a mistake.
The realization we finally came to was that we are both awesome people. However, we are not when we try to be together. We bring out the worst in each other. At times, the Plain White Tee's said it right, "Hate is a strong word, but I really, really, really don't like you.Ok, enough for now.
Mood:contemplative
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