I am so tired of being tired. Although life is painful and challenging, I am thankful for what I still can do and have, which includes a new appreciation for what's truly important. This is why writing is so good. I get so frustrated and afeared of the daunting task ahead of me and how I am just wiped out so often. I feel like I am just being lazy. If I do more because of feeling lazy, like I often do, I get even more wiped out.
I swear, it's like being the frickin road runner with a leash. The legs are doin their superfast spin, but I'm just held back. This fatigue is a mofo, though. It's not like real tired. It sneaks up and hits me from behind. I don't feel wiped out until after I do something. I can mow the lawn, I'm fine. Weed eat, I'm fine. Go through clothes and files and all the other move prep stuff, I'm fine. Then, when I stop, bamm! I'm frickin lazy again.
I used to feel so lazy before, too. I would get up at 4 go to work, on the ship until whenever, then come home and work in the garage, or the yard, or the office, until midnight or so. Then, get up at 4 the next day and do it again. This was not the lazy time. I would go like this for 3 or 4 months and then, like now I would be wiped out for a couple weeks. I didn't see it so clearly until now.
Now, I've realized it's the same routine just a different scale. Instead of going for months, I go for a few days, much shorter days, and then I'm wiped for a few days. I can accomplish so much in a short time, still. I'm thankful for that. This is why writing is so good. I have to remember what I have to be thankful for.
Listening to: Brimful of Asha, by Cornershop
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