I'm melting

When Marci and Lee left, we were anxious to set the A/C above frickin freezing. So, I set it on 80, just to see what that would feel like, since I di'nt know. Well, it never actually got warmer than 78.5 and it's frickin toasty warm. I, with the help of Emily because the chain was fugged, turned the fan on in the office. It feels pretty ok until I go upstairs and adjust the thermostat.

Ok, I think I's done. I rose from my comfy sleep hole because it was hot. I got Emily and I a water. She is feeling awake. I, however, am not. I teenk I may finish this water, adjust the A/C, and make more sleep.

Listening to: Blue Eyes, by The Cary Brothers

Same ol' shite

I'm tard. We just got back from Target and Home Depot. I used what little energies I had to do that minimal shopping. Oh yeah, we went through a furniture store, too. I was mostly just lounging on furniture so we hadsta leave.

These beers is going down so nice. They is finishing off my day nicely. I actually am about to go eat some fishsticks dat I jus made, with Emily. She spoils me with lots of home-cooked goodness, but today she is feeling exhausted like me so, fortunately, she can eat like crap at times like this.

Ok, I go now.

Listening to: Blue Sky, by The Allman Brothers

I love my new backyard

The picture could be better but I's had some drinky drinks. I've only retyped every firkin word so far. I love it here. The weather here is awesome. It gets warm but there's always a nice seabreeze. Beyond the Tamp[a, Fl stuff, I love being 'here'. Emily is such an aesome roomate and the house and the neighborhood is awesome. ok, I's done typin. I think i go drink sum more.

Listening to: Down, by 311

I love living here

Listening to: Time, by Sarah McLachlan

I feel so at home. It has been a while.

I usually think to much, so it's no surprise that I am now. I still need to organize and straighten these thoughts properly. As is my usual concern, I don't want to be all wrapped up in what I want and rush to force my own will instead of patiently allowing God's will to unfold. So, even as I get these thunks figgered out, I still acknowledge them as 'my' plan, which is really just a jumping off point.

Ok, I's done now. I don't feel like writing anymore.

Listening to: Fool In The Rain, by Led Zeppelin

I am so happy

Ok, I's gonna start supm new. I's gonna put what I's listening to at the start and finish of each entry.

Listening to: Situation, by Godsmack

I love my new home. My new roommate is the coolest, I actually feel at home here, the location is the best, and I have internet on my computer again, so I can sit here and enjoy my morning coffee as I write some thoughts in my blizog.

I am up alone, the usual. It works out good because I am up to ensure Emily and her friend Marci are up to go to the beach. I'm not going because Emily said that, although I am an ok roommate, I am repulsive to look at for long periods and she hates me, or supm like that.

I need to get a few things outta my truck anyway and rest, rest, rest. After moving what little stuff I have left yesterday, I am frickin wiped out.

Listening to: The Ocean, by Led Zeppelin

I'm so excited

I have been writing entries in Word and just saving them to my computer in order to sort my thoughts. I may or may not put them in here but the one from this morning I will. I am on the internet on my computer for the first time in months. It's so cool.

I also feel at home for the first time in months. I love it and the fact that Emily seems to be such a cool friend. She also has the same brain injury as me. She doesn't talk funny, so she has the added frustration of seeming normal to most. I am frustrated about talking funny, although peeps who don't know me say they can't tell, but it seems to me that my speech and walking like a drunk, makes it easier for the 'normals' to recognize my damagedness.

Ok, so here be what I writed this morning. I'm excited about being able to and feeling like updating my blizog, but I am still not feeling like doing much of this brainsucker stuff.
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I feel so much better today. I went to bed at 4:30am and got up at 10am, mostly because Emily’s bed is so dern comfortable. She slept on an air mattress downstairs and had me sleep in her bed so I wasn’t disturbed by her or her friend who is visiting. I really wouldn’t mind any so-called disturbance, but she was being considerate so it was easier for me to just accept her generosity. I actually didn’t do my usual ‘waking up at 7 or 8’. I didn’t really rouse until 9:30. I rolled over in the ecstasy of her bed a few times but only made it until 10.

Last night, we were gonna’ go to the beach. However, it started raining pretty good, so, after we stopped at Wendy’s to grab a bite, we just cancelled the beach trip. Instead we went to Target, to grab a few things, until the last minute, as they said, ‘the time is now 9:55…’ Then, since they close at 10 and we were still feeling compelled, we went across the street to Barne’s and Noble. They close at 11, so we could be there until the last minute. It was nice. I haven’t been there in months. I love to browse and check out books.

This morning has been quite nice. I had a cup of coffee and watched Emily shave her dog. It’s been very relaxing. The cable guy is s’posedta come this afternoon. It will be nice to have internet access on my computer again. I’ve had my fill of using the computer at the library.

Listening to: She Belongs To Me by Harry Connick Jr.

The new me is still a new me

I told a friend the other day that I had decided to keep my fatigue between God and me. I am tired of explaining why I'm so tired, for no real reason besides this 'new me' fatigue. Yes, I spend a lot of time at the beach, yes my tan is nice, yes I don't have a job. The dream of sitting at the beach doing nutn is nice but it's kinda like the spoonful o' sugar that makes the medicine go down. I have a list, taller than me, of things I would like to do with my time. However, referencing my favorite analogy, I feel like the Road Runner on a leash. My legs are spinning a hundred miles an hour but I'm being held back by a leash, which is this damn fatigue.

I was reminded, a couple days ago, of how I underestimate my limitation. I have accepted the fatigue and the fact that I'm really not being lazy. However, there's a little voice in the back of my mind that says, 'you are really being lazy. you could do more. if you work harder, it's like working out, you will get stronger.' So, I work a little harder and then I get pain, like someone who needs a back operation. Oh, hells no. Being limited is one thing, but being completely debilitated is entirely another. So, not only do I have to not worry about people thinking I'm lazy, but also this damn voice in my head.

About 6 montha ago, I tried to workout again and overcome this 'weakness'. I ended up going to a chiropractor because I had non-stop shooting pains in my lower back. It helped, but, as I'm thinkin' now, it was really a muscle thing. My spine did x-ray as a crooked mess. However, I think the non-stop work of two kids, a house, and then trying to work out on top of it was just the straw that broke the cripple's back.

The adjustments by the chiropracker were good, but I think I really just needed the rest. Kinda like now. A couple days ago, I felt a taste of that same pain. It wasn't as intense, but it was the same pain. Resting, or being lazy as I try not to call it, did the trick. It was few things I had done but I think mostly the everyday 'gonna get better' things that did it. Simple little shite like trying to run up the stairs, or even traverse the stairs without using the handrail. It's not much to the 'normals' but all day long, it takes it's toll on an old cripple.

The pain is still just outside the door, like a grisly old reaper ready to come in and torment me.

I worked on my book a bit this morning. This has a lot to do with my lack of blog posts. My energy is precious nowadays and must be rationed and budgeted. So, since writing requires energies, I save it for my book, because I really have a lot to say and think it will be good if I ever get it done.

Listening to: Mistakes, by Godsmack